I had a very small very unfancy very quick wedding. We had just lost our baby when we got engaged and in my 20 year old mind all I saw was the desire to be his wife and ultimately try for another baby. Our pregnancy was unplanned and at the time I was not aware of the infertility issues I would face in our marriage. Losing our child was incredibly tramatic.
I didn’t have a bridal shower, a batchelerette party, in fact I had the flu on our wedding day. I remember overhearing his mother tell him “you don’t have to marry her just because shes pregnant”. No one had even known I had been pregnant at any time or what it was like to lose my first child at 8 weeks at 20 years old. All of this should have been a sign of things to come. But I was 20 and stupid and in love and nothing anyone said would have changed the way I felt at the time.
We had several splits during our marriage. His drug abuse and general treating me like shit had pushed me out of our apartment several times. But each time he would convince me things would be different and I would take him back. Secretly he just needed someone to pay the bills.
Since I was smarter this last time around my friends and family put together a divorce celebration. My best friend described it as “a divorce shower” since I didn’t get to have a bridal shower to celebrate my entering into married life they were going to celebrate my return to single life. I think they have probably been planning this party since the second month of my marriage.
They went all out. there was tons of food. my friend made a cake with a bride cutting a grooms head off. Everyone who came had to bring me underwear, and if you brought me anything other then underwear that I would need on my return to a sexy single woman you would get a raffle ticket. Yes they made raffle baskets.
On top of all the great presents which included bras underwear a robe 75 condoms and some other creepy items it was also an Athenas party (for anyone who doesn’t know what it is, its a sex toy party and you earn a portion of your sales towards free goodies) I got over 100 dollars worth of free stuff from that. I just need to add that starting a drinking game that consists of “take a jello shot every time she says the word ass” ends in everyone being really sick the next day.
Things got a little weird. Theres nothing like learning about different sex toys with your parents sitting in the room. If I wasn’t in therepy before I will need to be now. I was blind folded and had to guess whose butt what whose (which I wasn’t good at by the way). And then everyone took turns hitting me with whips and paddles. I think this was the perfect end a bad situation. 20 of my closest friends and family came to celebrate my reentering into the single life. If your going through a divorce and you have friends and family who love you enough to do this for you I would highly recommend it.
Of course the very next day I would get a text from my exbest friend. She had the same addictions as him and was very very involved in his life, I guess that is the best way to put it. Once I found out everything I found out espically the part she played in his adultery and the robbing of my house I quite obviously cut her out of my life. In the 8 months since she has made several attempts to regain my friendship but I will quite obviously never accept her as a friend. She had even gone as far as to blame me for her actions with my husband because “I cut her out as soon as I found out about her addiction”. I am quite positive there will be some sort of dramatic backlash from my ex over the party but I literally don’t even care. and for the record this is not the same friend who ran into him in the bar and outed everything I had learned. I know how to pick em apparently.
I have been very fortunate in this whole situation. I have forgiven the both of them for the things they’ve done because in the end they did me more good then harm. Because of what they did I learned who my real friends are, gained a deeper appreciation for family, and figured out what I want out of life. Had he not done everything he did I would not have so much appreciation for what I have, or had worked so hard to start the career I have started. I had to grow up really fast, and that’s ok.
singlelifeinthehood 