My best friends are all getting married next year. As much as I try to pretend its not hard for me it is. Not because I’m not happy for them, I am. I love all their men, and I couldn’t be happier for them. I just feel left behind.
I always thought by now I would have my first child. Maybe even my second. I thought I would have a house. Or atleast be working towards a house. But I’m alone. And my friends are moving away and getting married and having babies. I don’t even know if I can have children.
I know that my life is perfect right now. I am so happy and thankful for that. For the most part I don’t look back because looking back is so much worse then the present.
I’m getting better at going with the flow and learning that there are things I can’t control. They say life is what happens when your busy making other plans and I think everything that’s happened to me thus far has proved this to be true.
This has been such a huge week for me. After all the craziness of starting my new job and leaving my old one it finally happened and so far it seems like it’s going to be the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. I finally feel like I am taking the right steps towards creating a real life for myself and that feels good. When I can finally catch up on my bills it will feel even better.
I’m beginning to feel like the slutty thing isn’t for me anymore. I did this when I was a teenager, I’m an adult. And while it was fun while it lasted I feel like I need to let myself be more open to letting someone in. And not just like into my bedroom, like into my life, or atleast my kitchen.
My holy grail of booty call situations got weird. I know I’m starting to care more then I should so I’m trying to overcompensate for that. I don’t remember why I said it but I told him it would never work between us. And he got weird almost mad. He just kept making jokes about us not being together which is confusing because he’s the type of guy who can’t come out and say how he feels so hell just make a joke out of it.
I’m honestly not good at people puzzles nor do I want another one. But the time spent with him really makes me feel like I want to find something real. Maybe with him, but maybe not. There’s a lot to be said for having someone to come home to. I don’t want complicated. Sometimes I wish that a nice normal guy would just show up on my door step wrapped up all nice with cake and be like “hey I’m here to be your boyfriend”. Then I remember I live in the ghetto and that would never happen in the hood.
Speaking of the hood, I slept through my first shoot out last night. This is how I know I’ve been living in the ghetto for way to long.
Tag Archives: ghetto
Its been kind of an interesting week. Monday I accidently hooked up with an 18 year old boy. I had met him through a friend, who was older then me. I just assumed he was my friends age. Yes I know you should probably find out how old someone is before you let them in your pants, but the idea that he would be five years younger then me was one that never crossed my mind. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’m just looking for someone to fill the void when I get lonely who wont get attached or crazy who leaves when its over. He was cute, and up for it. I figured it would be a good time, for the record, it wasn’t. Later that night I was looking at his facebook, sophomore semi 2011, so I asked. The response “almost 19”. I had figured at this point the damage was done and I wasn’t gonna end it now. Turns out he couldn’t handle that type of situation.
It seems to me that no matter what you offer a man they get scared. If you offer them a relationship they run. If you offer them a steady sexual relationship with no emotion and no need to call for anything other, they run. Its like a no win situation no matter what you do. Maybe its just the men I meet, maybe I need to start looking outside of the people I know. One thing I have learned for sure, find out how old someone is before you put them in your mouth.
People are starting to judge me for my life. Its become very sex and the cityesque. Full of parties and laughter and one night stands. I think I have allowed myself this luxury. I work three jobs, maintain an apartment on my own, and I missed out on experiencing the things you experience at 21. I’m only 23, and I give zero fucks about what anyone thinks of my life right now. I’m smart, I have a successful career, My own apartment, and I am working on getting back into college to get my degree. I’m not opposed to a real relationship when the time is right and the man is right, but the time is not right now and none of the men have been right.
Friday night I went to the city and celebrated my 10 year friendaversary with an old friend from middleschool and her sister. She is one of those friends who even though I you can go a long time with out seeing them, when you do actually see them its like no time has passed at all. It sounds cliché but its the actual truth. by the way, nothing makes your license picture look worse then when they scan your ID at the door and the computer seperates your picture from your actual license, seriously look at it next time.
I got home at 2 am, had every intention of sleeping in, however at 7:30 Saturday morning someone decided to stand in my yard and laugh loudly, this pissed off my dog who I’m pretty sure woke my entire building up. I really would love to know what was so funny at 7:30 on a Saturday morning, but I live in the ghetto, and sometimes its better not to ask. Lets be realistic nothing is funny at 7:30 any morning, espically on a Saturday morning. I couldn’t fall asleep again so I had a friend and her daughter meet me for breakfast at the bar I work at. I had gotten some gift certificates so we also went to the mall. The day started off good, until I had to go to work.
I had picked up a Saturday night shift at the restaurant I work at in exchange for Friday night off. I did this knowing full well that I would be working with the guy I dated right after I filed for divorce who I recently found out has been talking shit about me. I knew it would be awkward, so I took the high road and ignored his existence, I was doing a good job of this. I had brought my super cute outfit to change into before I left work and talked super highly about another guy ive been hanging around with. Next thing I know the “best friend” who ran into my husband at a bar and told him everything I had found out about what he had been doing during our marriage walks in. I was furious, literally fuming. I knew she had come in to cause that reaction because she loves drama and before my ex and I officially called it quits and we were “working on things” she continuously tried to get me to go to his work and watch him. She had also posted several things on facebook since I bid her farewell pertaining to me being a “selfish crazy bitch who only cares about myself”. She expected me to have some sort of negative reaction. I didn’t, I honestly try to keep things pretty classy in the way I deal with people who have screwed me over or who I just in general don’t like. Ive learned that if you react you are letting them win and I am not about to let her win. She left disappointed.
So I change my clothes, let the kid I dated see how fab I look and say good bye to my coworkers, My exes friend walks into my bar. Of course we are still talking about my latest conquest and he hears, asks if im still with my ex. I tell him we are divorced and he tells me how happy he is for me, how much more successful in life I will be and basically what scum my ex is. Again I keep it classy offer no information and thank him for his kind works. Considering my ex made it a point to try to make me look like scum to all his friends this was a big surprise.
Today I spent some time with my neighbor to meet her new baby girl. Aparently my ex came here a couple weeks ago while I wasn’t home and knocked on the door. She also told me about even more girls he had cheated on me with and had in my apartment. I know it shouldn’t come as a surprise, and I know it shouldn’t bother me but it does. At this point I am just happy its over with, I wish it would really be over with and that I didn’t have to hear about it or live it anymore. I am beginning to consider what it would be like to move away somewhere just to get away. Not really to escape but more to try to build a new life where no one knows me or what went down.
Its been a weird week.
I have been living in this apartment in the ghetto for three years. Don’t get me wrong, my apartment its self behind closed doors is amazing, I literally wouldn’t trade it for anything. My landlord is great, he has been amazing to me. Its honestly unheard of to find a place as nice as mine at the price I pay, the downside is the location. The other downside is my awful miserable downstairs neighbor. She is not as awful and miserable as she used to be, but that is post me threatening to do the cotton eyed joe at 4 am (I’m not crazy). With the fourth of July coming my neighborhood gets a little scarier then normal, You would think after living here for 3 years I would have learned the difference between what fireworks and what gunshots sound like. I havent, Me and my dog have been hiding in the bathtub away from the windows for three days. Obviously the people in the hood really really love America. Speaking of the hood and celebrations in the hood. I seriously wish I knew how to party the way those people do. Not even torrential downpours stop them. My only complaint is why arent I ever invited to these hood parties? This may or may not be my only complaint because I like being alive. The world may never know.
I feel like I have been really shady lately. Yesterday I got a facebook message from my little brothers friend. Who after a little while of talking informed me he was “sexually frustrated” and wanted to know if I would be interested in helping him out. Admittedly I have been a little bit wild since my marriage fell apart. Before anyone judges me I want to say that I am a firm believer that a little bit of promiscuity is a good thing as long as your safe and no one is getting hurt. especially since I came out of an essentially sexless marriage it feels pretty awesome for the most part that people want to sleep with me. This however is beside the point. Being bootycalled by my brothers friend is totally creepy and not something that makes me feel awesome. I’m not saying it makes me feel bad about life, but it really makes me wonder where the hell that even came from, Im not sure I even want to know.
Men get weirder and weirder the longer I stay single. This does not make me regret my decision at all, just for the record. I am perfectly happy on my own however as I had previously stated there are some things that having a man around for would make things a little bit easier. Thursday night I left a party and hooked up with a kid who has been trying to get with me for over a year. He hasnt spoken to me since maybe I am being a little sensitive about it but i just feel like if we were friends before we should continue to be friends after. It almost makes me wonder if he was only friends with me because I was some sort of crazy conquest and now that he got it he has no desire to be my friend. Either way I guess I don’t really care, I am not going to beg someone to be in my life friendship or otherwise. I just think its strange that you can go from being friends with some one to sleeping with them to not at all. Maybe its too soon, i just dont know.
Unfortunately the hot hatesex with my friends brother has come to an end. While the sex was really great the fact that I had to go to him and buy the condoms was not. I guess I’m a little selfish in the sense that I expect everything to be on my terms and if it’s not I’m not interested. I guess I will eventually get over this at some point but right now I want you to come to me, do what i want, and bring protection. Plus we agreed that it would happen when I wanted it, but it seems like when I want it I cant get him but he expected me to be available when he wanted it. Sorry, but no.
singlelifeinthehood 