Getting a Grip

I used to be the type of person who would party all night, sleep a couple hours, wake up go to brunch, go to work, and do it all over again. I used to be the type of person who would drag my parents kitchen table onto the front lawn for “more room to play beer pong”, and I used to be the type of person who slept naked, well until my roommate started fighting with her boyfriend and crawling into bed with me (you know that scene from that Sandra Bullock Ryan Reynolds movie where they hate each other but pretend to be engaged because shes his boss and shes being deported, the scene where there in Alaska and there both naked for some reason and theres a lot of screaming…yeah… it was kind of like that), I used to invite strangers into my apartment for jello shots. Now I can’t remember the last time I was even in a bar or the last time I slept naked and I can’t have people in my house unless I’ve swept and mopped the floors. I’ve become the type of person who constantly checks their bank account and calculates what is coming out of it, and then goes home and googles different ways to tweak my budget so I can spend less and save more and I’m anxious all the time.
How did I get this way and how can I get the cooler funner more naked version of myself back? I really liked that version of myself so much better. I am tired of living in the constant chaos of worrying about losing my job, and worrying about the fact that all my friends are getting married and having babies and buying a house while I am still living in the ghetto trying to hold it together. It’s getting old and I’m sick of wearing pants. I think I need to put the breaks on my two year plan and just focus on right now and getting through the next week and the next thing. I think I need to put my energy into paying my bills and getting through school instead of whether or not my boyfriend is going to decide he wants children or how I am going to pay off my debt save money for a down payment on a new car and save 20 thousand dollars to put a down payment on a condo. It’s a lot of unnecessary pressure and I am making myself into a raving lunatic. Maybe I just need to drink more wine, but I also have this constant fear that I am going to become an alcoholic if I drink more than once a week. How can I just get my shit together and stop overthinking everything and just focus on one day and one thing at a time? Does everyone start to feel this way as they get older or is it just because of all the chaos I’ve had these past few years?
I need to get over my irrational fears. They are actually pretty ridiculous and kind of taking over my life. Netflix is also taking over my life, I started watching Greys anatomy and now basically all I do is sit at home, watch Netflix and cry, and its not normal. It’s making me depressed and cranky and I don’t like being either of those things. I need to stop sitting in the sad seat for no apparent reason and stop complaining.


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