its cold

Its been the worst winter in the history of the city I live in. Over the course of three weeks we received over 111 inches of snow. Seriously…111 inches of snow, and this morning I woke up and it was -11 degrees. I am not a big fan of winter or snow or anything that has to do with being cold to begin with, so I am not sure what in my right mind ever made me sign a lease that says my landlord doesn’t shovel or live in a place with no onsite parking. I guess to be honest in the five years I’ve been in this apartment this year has been the first time it’s ever been an issue but between not having any place to put the snow and having to leave my car a half hour away and relay on rides to get to and from work I’ve decided that I was going to start looking to buy a condo. I can do two more winters in this place but that’s about where I draw the line. I could move to another apartment but it wouldn’t make sense to move to another place with a higher rent that would make it more difficult to save money, and its unlikely that I would find a place with a driveway and a landlord that shovels for under 1000 dollars a month which until recently is what I thought I would be paying on the mortgage of a condo.

I had initially planned to save money with my boyfriend, and buy a condo in the town where I grew up because its close to my parents close to one of my offices and close to the college where I will be taking classes starting in September. I thought long and hard about this and realized that I was really unsure about buying a house with someone I wasn’t more committed to… its not that I’m not committed to it though sometimes I have my doubts, I just don’t think its wise to buy a house with someone who I’m not married to, marriage is not in my three year plan, and I am not about to get screwed. So I decided I was going to save on my own and buy the condo on my own and he could live in it and pay rent in it and if we were to get married we would buy a house and keep the condo as rental income. I’m not sure how I’m going to have that conversation with him, but I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

My friends all got married over the summer and have either bought houses or are in the process of buying a house so I started asking questions about what I should do. They told me to get prequalified and to start looking at things within that pricerange that way I know what I have to work with. So first I started looking at condos in the town I wanted to live in. It turns out that whole houses actually cost less than condos do, probably because condos shovel…that’s sort of the reason behind wanting a condo to begin with. So I started looking in the 230,000 price range figuring that’s like the median of what people wind up with and I found a house, a whole house, and I loved it literally like fell in love with it. SO then I decided to see what I would be approved for. that was $106,000. turns out that will buy me a trailer… not even a nice one. Personally I sort of don’t understand the point of buying a trailer, so you buy a trailer, but then you have to pay rent on the land, and then ive heard (but I don’t know if its true) that utility companies charge you more because its not “a permanent residence”. And on top of everything your paying out if something breaks on it you have to pay to fix that. At that rate I’ll just stay in my 700 dollar a month apartment in the ghetto and not pay to fix the broken stuff. Not only will I only be approved for $106,000 but I would need a $20,000 down payment. Do real people even save that much money in real life? The most money I’ve ever seen in my bank account was after this years tax return, and that was a grand.

Needless to say I will need to work really hard to improve my credit and save if it I want to do this. I showed my boyfriend the house I really love who says we could make it work if we bought it and his best friend moved in, which as much as I like his friend… hell no. Saturday afternoon he came over and the two of them  sat in my room playing ps4 and making words up. For a minute I honestly thought I was babysitting instead of hanging out with two grown men. Is that like a normal thing? because honestly it was a little concerning.

I love my boyfriend but sometimes I worry that we aren’t on the same path. I have plans for my life, I am going back to school and trying to buy a house  and working towards the goals I had for myself before the bottom fell out of my life. I work really really hard but sometimes I feel like he sort of just shows up to life. It seems like his only real goal is to be with me, and I even sort of feel like he just shows up to the relationship. I worry that hes only with me because he doesn’t want to be alone. But them I also wonder if these things are all just in my head as a residual side effect of the past. I also don’t think he wants kids. I think he pretends that he will want them “some day” because he knows its a deal breaker. Having kids is going to be really hard for me, maybe even impossible but I need to know that the person I’m with is going to want this as much as I do when that time comes.

This winters kicking my ass. When I can have my car at my apartment its like so hard to find the motivation to do anything. I haven’t been to the gym sine like November, I haven’t gone to yoga either. I’m so unbelievably over it and ready for summer. I need to get back on track with my diet. I have an appointment with my nutritionist tomorrow morning so I obviously decided tonight was the night to eat chicken fingers and onion rings. I was doing so well and now that im more than halfway to my goal weight its so hard to find the motivation to get back on track. I know its not just a temporary change that I need to make permanent changes to get the weight off and keep it off but wouldn’t it be so much better if we could all wake up healthy?

As for this winter. I blame the farmers almanac.  I am pretty sure it said we were going to have the worst winter ever and at 111″ I think there right.

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