After our text message blow out Tim started avoiding me, and though he never acknowledged the part about me knowing where we stood judging by the way he had been acting he made things pretty clear. Nothing had changed and he does not give a shit about me, I wasn’t going to take it sitting down this time, hes living in my house, putting me out of my living room and if hes hurt me he is going to know about it.
I had a particularly bad day Monday. Some trouble at work. Which hadn’t been that big a deal but it was a big deal to me. I came home to start my dishwasher which decided to wash the floor instead of the dishes, in general I was just sensitive, which I decided was the perfect time to launch my text message attack on Tim. It went a lot like this “If you had had the decency to tell me you really don’t give a shit about me it probably would have hurt a hell of a lot less then the way you’ve been acting, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen but ts not at all surprising, whatever I guess.” “Just because I don’t want to be at home and I like to go out and do shit doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you?” “Its not about how much time you do or don’t spent in the house” “I’m sorry, im just confused I don’t know what I want, its got nothing to do with you, I’m sorry, don’t think for a minute that I don’t care about you” “if you truly cared about me you wouldn’t have such a hard time deciding whether or not this is what you want. You cant go through life using the fact that you’ve been hurt as an excuse to hurt everyone who trys to care about you, we all have our baggage and if everyone did that we would all die alone and unhappy” That one didn’t get a response, I guess there really isn’t a response to that at all.
Five days later hes back to acting the way hes always acted towards me. I’m really just done with it. I care about him but there are a lot of things about him that I don’t particularly like. Letting him live here was a mistake. Not from a living together standpoint, but from an emotional standpoint, everyone that said this was going to blow up was right. It is blowing up, not in the way I thought it would but blowing up none the less. I guess I don’t really care anymore at this point. I made myself a lot of promises when I ended my marriage, one of them being that I would never again beg someone to love me.
My ex called twice this week. Once to yell at me about the mail (incoherently). Once to ask for a copy of our divorce papers, hes trying to prove hes “disabled and homeless”. There is nothing that makes me feel more accomplished then having a conversation with him. I have an apartment, a career, friends who love me, and a family. He has a prostitute drug addict girlfriend and hes “homeless” trying to live off the state. I wouldn’t change anything that happened, but I wish I could just make the divorce official, change my number and move on. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to hear is voice, I don’t care about how hes doing and I don’t want him to care about how I’m doing. Maybe that makes me a scumbag but I guess I don’t really care.
My downstairs neighbors douchbagery is getting out of control. She literally puts entirely too much effort into being a dick. Thursday night I came home from work at 11:30 sat down to drink some tea, as soon as I moved the kitchen chair she stared banging on the ceiling., Tim was playing with the dog, more banging, we watched a movie, more banging, at 130 Tim got up to go to the bathroom, not only did she bang on the ceiling, she decided to go outside and hammer the plank that fell off the outside stairs back on. I wanted to be mad, but to be honest I was wondering when the landlord was gonna fix that, so realistically she saved me a phone call. I just couldn’t believe the effort she was going through to try to be a dick, like that is entirely too much effort to put into trying to piss someone off. Everyone in the building has collectively decided that we need to get this girl laid in the hopes that she will be less of a scumbag.